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pobble_readsI find this chapter really difficult. I actually find it harder than chapters where someone is being actively cruel to Gobbolino (which is not a particularly logical reaction). When there’s an obvious “baddy“ I can be angry with them and hope for their downfall. Here there is no one to blame - there are just two well-meaning and well-behaving people (or a person and a cat if you prefer to divide things up in a more anthoprocentric way) who want and need mutually exclusive things. They can’t find a Win/Win solution - just a “least worst” option and I hate it.
Self-awareness is really difficult too - I think in slightly different ways for different people. Being prone to depression and having experienced some trauma I’ve got very good at ruminating and second guessing myself - but the head weasels twist things and lie! I’ve done a lot of work (for a lot of years) with various flavours of therapy and support, as well as keeping on keeping on with working on it by myself, to be more mindful, reflective and aware of my habits and patterns. I’ve definitely improved (which I am proud of) at being reflective and self-aware after an event and sometimes (not as often as I’d like!) I can take that awareness into shaping how I act in the future. But I still struggle a lot with being mindful and self-aware in the moment. I hate that it’s still such a struggle for me ... and then I have to practice my self-awareness and compassion and acknowledge that it’s a struggle for everyone....
Anyway before I drill down into examples of Self-Awareness in the chapter it’s time for the recap. So in 9 sentences:
The Lord Mayor and Lady Mayoress’ home is wonderful.
They are excellent parents to the Brothers.
But the Lady Mayoress has a horror of cats.
She tries really hard to accept Gobbolino.
Even though she keeps trying her phobia is making her ill
Gobbolino realises he will have to leave now that the Brothers are settled
He explains this to the Brothers and says Goodbye
The Brothers are devastated but are cheered up again by sugar plums
Gobbolino is alone again and looking for another home.
And in 3 Sentences:
The Lady Mayoress just can’t be comfortable around Gobbolino
Gobbolino feels terrible that his presence is making her ill.
When he leaves the humans can be a happy family together.
I think both the Lady Mayoress and Gobbolino show pretty good self awareness in this chapter. She is aware of her phobia (I’m not sure if it counts clinically as a phobia but it’s the closest word I can find for what she’s experiencing - any suggestions for better ways to express it or personal experiences of what living with a phobia is and isn’t like are very welcome in the comments) she knows that it’s not reasonable and she tries to overcome or at least hide it for the sake of her new children. Gobbolino is aware of what’s happening and doesn’t let the comfort of this new home (and this chance to rest after his many adventures abd misfortunes)distract him from her needs, he tries his best to make her comfortable while being attentive to the Brothers
It just sounds miserable for both of them and what should be a happy time of weaving themselves into their new family.
It’s tempting to wonder that if the a Lady Mayoress had some kind of therapy or other support whether she would be able to overcome her phobia? Sometimes self-awareness just isn’t enough on its own. We do know that the Lord Mayor and the Brothers try to help her - it’s not clear if it’s not the right kind of help or whether this is just something she can’t work through (for now at least). I admire her for keeping on trying for the sake of the Brothers whose lives have already been distributed so much and at the same time I’m annoyed with her for being so passive about it and playing the martyr! Would it have been better for her to talk to Gobbolino directly (probably with the Lord Mayor as a facilitator/mediator as she finds it so hard to be in Gobbolino’s presence) and come to some kind of an arrangement like a shift system for spending time with the children or is it better that she owns that this is her problem not Gobbolino’s?
It must be devastating for Gobbolino watching her get il - knowing that he is unwittingly the cause but also knowing that he has done nothing wrong. He can’t help being a cat - and even if he could being a cat isn’t an inherently bad thing! The situation reminds me of someone having flashbacks or some other type of trauma
response around someone who looks, sounds or smells like their abuser (and I have great respect for any unwittingly-triggerIng-people who respond with patience and gentleness and do the work to help heal damage that they didn’t cause).
Gobbolino decides to move on for the Lady Mayoress’ sake but only when he is confident that the Brothers don’t need him anymore. That’s a hard thing to judge because they’d obviously be happiest with both their new mother and Gobbolino in their lives - saying goodbye is always going to be a bit painful even if it’s definitely the right time for everyone to move on. And Gobbolino has to untangle his own desire to stay with them and to be needed and wanted from there actual needs and wants (I find this one of the hardest parts of being a carer, well that and the unpredictability and occasional chaos...). I don’t think (though I very definitely could be wrong and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences) that that sort of big decision can be made in the moment - it requires careful reflection and questioning over some time. It’s definitely an occasion for excercisijg self-awareness and ideally talking things over with a mentor or peer.
Where we don’t see much self-awareness is from the Brothers - which is probably age appropriate. They aren’t good at balancing their desire to have Gobbolino with them with their new mothers peace of mind (and as the children not the parent it’s mostly not their job to have those kind of thoughts but hopefully they’ll develop them a bit as they get older). We aren’t sure if their attempts to
The big mystery in this chapter is the a Lord Mayor - how aware is he of what is going on? How does he feel about it? Could he do more to support his wife, his new sons and Gobbolino? Should he be doing more to help create more harmony in his household? Or should he be hanging back and taking the lead from the a Lady Mayoress and Gobbolino? Does he see Gobbolino as a transitional carer for the children who’s role is ending or as a new part of his family and partner-in-caring? How does he feel after Gobbolino leaves? Does he think his comforting sugar plums bring the matter to a close or Is he aware of unfinished emotional business?
There’s so much to think about that isn’t in the text because it continues to follow Gobbolino in his search for
Do please add your thoughts and feelings in the comments - particularly if you have anything to share about finding win/win solutions and/or coming to terms with the “least worst” option...
Self-awareness is really difficult too - I think in slightly different ways for different people. Being prone to depression and having experienced some trauma I’ve got very good at ruminating and second guessing myself - but the head weasels twist things and lie! I’ve done a lot of work (for a lot of years) with various flavours of therapy and support, as well as keeping on keeping on with working on it by myself, to be more mindful, reflective and aware of my habits and patterns. I’ve definitely improved (which I am proud of) at being reflective and self-aware after an event and sometimes (not as often as I’d like!) I can take that awareness into shaping how I act in the future. But I still struggle a lot with being mindful and self-aware in the moment. I hate that it’s still such a struggle for me ... and then I have to practice my self-awareness and compassion and acknowledge that it’s a struggle for everyone....
Anyway before I drill down into examples of Self-Awareness in the chapter it’s time for the recap. So in 9 sentences:
The Lord Mayor and Lady Mayoress’ home is wonderful.
They are excellent parents to the Brothers.
But the Lady Mayoress has a horror of cats.
She tries really hard to accept Gobbolino.
Even though she keeps trying her phobia is making her ill
Gobbolino realises he will have to leave now that the Brothers are settled
He explains this to the Brothers and says Goodbye
The Brothers are devastated but are cheered up again by sugar plums
Gobbolino is alone again and looking for another home.
And in 3 Sentences:
The Lady Mayoress just can’t be comfortable around Gobbolino
Gobbolino feels terrible that his presence is making her ill.
When he leaves the humans can be a happy family together.
I think both the Lady Mayoress and Gobbolino show pretty good self awareness in this chapter. She is aware of her phobia (I’m not sure if it counts clinically as a phobia but it’s the closest word I can find for what she’s experiencing - any suggestions for better ways to express it or personal experiences of what living with a phobia is and isn’t like are very welcome in the comments) she knows that it’s not reasonable and she tries to overcome or at least hide it for the sake of her new children. Gobbolino is aware of what’s happening and doesn’t let the comfort of this new home (and this chance to rest after his many adventures abd misfortunes)distract him from her needs, he tries his best to make her comfortable while being attentive to the Brothers
Gobbolino hated to displease her, and learned to hide whenever he heard her step on the stair, but she knew by some strange instinct when he was in the room, and as the little brothers would not let him leave without them, he spent many an hour crouching under the nursery table
It just sounds miserable for both of them and what should be a happy time of weaving themselves into their new family.
It’s tempting to wonder that if the a Lady Mayoress had some kind of therapy or other support whether she would be able to overcome her phobia? Sometimes self-awareness just isn’t enough on its own. We do know that the Lord Mayor and the Brothers try to help her - it’s not clear if it’s not the right kind of help or whether this is just something she can’t work through (for now at least). I admire her for keeping on trying for the sake of the Brothers whose lives have already been distributed so much and at the same time I’m annoyed with her for being so passive about it and playing the martyr! Would it have been better for her to talk to Gobbolino directly (probably with the Lord Mayor as a facilitator/mediator as she finds it so hard to be in Gobbolino’s presence) and come to some kind of an arrangement like a shift system for spending time with the children or is it better that she owns that this is her problem not Gobbolino’s?
It must be devastating for Gobbolino watching her get il - knowing that he is unwittingly the cause but also knowing that he has done nothing wrong. He can’t help being a cat - and even if he could being a cat isn’t an inherently bad thing! The situation reminds me of someone having flashbacks or some other type of trauma
response around someone who looks, sounds or smells like their abuser (and I have great respect for any unwittingly-triggerIng-people who respond with patience and gentleness and do the work to help heal damage that they didn’t cause).
Gobbolino decides to move on for the Lady Mayoress’ sake but only when he is confident that the Brothers don’t need him anymore. That’s a hard thing to judge because they’d obviously be happiest with both their new mother and Gobbolino in their lives - saying goodbye is always going to be a bit painful even if it’s definitely the right time for everyone to move on. And Gobbolino has to untangle his own desire to stay with them and to be needed and wanted from there actual needs and wants (I find this one of the hardest parts of being a carer, well that and the unpredictability and occasional chaos...). I don’t think (though I very definitely could be wrong and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences) that that sort of big decision can be made in the moment - it requires careful reflection and questioning over some time. It’s definitely an occasion for excercisijg self-awareness and ideally talking things over with a mentor or peer.
Where we don’t see much self-awareness is from the Brothers - which is probably age appropriate. They aren’t good at balancing their desire to have Gobbolino with them with their new mothers peace of mind (and as the children not the parent it’s mostly not their job to have those kind of thoughts but hopefully they’ll develop them a bit as they get older). We aren’t sure if their attempts to
rousethe Lady Mayoress once she has become
quite thin and illare particularly thoughtful or structured but it’s lovely that they try. When Gobbolino explains he has to leave they are understandably distressed although they are a little comforted by his promise to come back and see them when they are
big fine boys. They are definitely very much in touch with their feelings but like any small children (particularly ones that have suffered loss and disruption) they lack emotional regulation skills. They are also lacking in consideration for Gobbolino’s needs
so smothering him with their kisses and their embraces that he was not sorry to escape from their handsthey need to develop the self-awareness to be gentle age appropriate- hopefully that is something their new family will work on with them, They are also very, very quickly consoled by the Lord Mayor’s sugar plums - from an adult perspective it seems almost callous that they can be so happy again so soon after loosing Gobbolino. Is that a lack of self-awareness or is it a healthy and age-appropriate being in the moment?
The big mystery in this chapter is the a Lord Mayor - how aware is he of what is going on? How does he feel about it? Could he do more to support his wife, his new sons and Gobbolino? Should he be doing more to help create more harmony in his household? Or should he be hanging back and taking the lead from the a Lady Mayoress and Gobbolino? Does he see Gobbolino as a transitional carer for the children who’s role is ending or as a new part of his family and partner-in-caring? How does he feel after Gobbolino leaves? Does he think his comforting sugar plums bring the matter to a close or Is he aware of unfinished emotional business?
There’s so much to think about that isn’t in the text because it continues to follow Gobbolino in his search for
a kitchen fire where there is room and a saucer of milk for a little cat. So we’ll follow him too and next time I shall be looking at Chapter 9: Gobbolino on Show through the theme of Vanity.
Do please add your thoughts and feelings in the comments - particularly if you have anything to share about finding win/win solutions and/or coming to terms with the “least worst” option...
Oops I forgot to write up something I thought of while reading
Date: 2020-07-12 09:41 pm (UTC)We don’t know if he’s right or not. The chapter title suggests that she would have a problem with any cat but we know that there is a societal prejudice against witches cats and so understandable caution around magical creatures from non-magical people and animals... We don’t even know for sure how much the Lady Mayoress knows about Gobbolino’s background. Is Gobbolino correctly picking up on subtle signs of magical-phobia and/or prejudice from her or are his past rejections colouring his thinking so much that he is missing the truth of his current reality? The prejudice he has already faced is bound to shape his thinking and at this point it makes sense for him to be hyper-aware of even the smallest hints of anti-witches-cat sentiment as a form of self protection. But maybe that actually isn’t the issue here and his post-traumatic head-weasels are lying to him?
It’s something I think about from time to time as someone who has been subject to various prejudices myself. Thinking particularly about how I have been shared by the homophobia of the 80’s when I was growing up and first coming to terms with my sexuality even though much has changed in social attitudes since then (though sadly homophobia is still a very much a thing)