One fine moonlight night little Gobbolino, the witch's kitten, and his sister Sootica tumbled out of the cavern where they had been born, to play at catch-a-mouse among the creeping shadows....

I choose to read Chapter 1 Gobbolino in Disgrace because of the current pandemic - the entire world is experiencing adversity at this moment. But I don't want this journal/journey to be focused on Covid-19 - a lot of us read to get away from anxiety-making things. I am going to mention it where it's appropriate (because inevitably our current situation informs our reading) but I want to be thinking about other things too. My current adversity is living with a chronic health condition - asthma - that means I am officially classified as "vulnerable", which is frightening and i'm very much on my own. I was have suffering from isolation and a lack of a local-friends group (even though I have awesome online and long-distance friends) before the outbreak even started. I am still very aware that as adversity goes I'm comparatively lucky; I'm not actually ill and I haven't lost anyone. Which doesn't cheer me up or mean that my anxiety and loneliness isn't real (I have never been a fan of "it could be worse" being seen as a good thing - for me it's a recipe for feeling overwhelmed and even more anxious!) just that I need to have perspective - and have compassion for (and ideal offer support to) those who are suffering more.

9 Sentence Recap:
Gobbolino and Sootica are witch's kittens.
They go outside of the cave they were born in for the first time.
They play and talk about what they want to be.
Gobbolino wants to be a kitchen cat.
He says "people don't love witch's cats"
The moonlight shows Gobbolino has a white paw, is faintly tabby and has blue eyes.
Sootica calls their mother, Grimalkin, and the Witch.
They attack Gobbolino.
He's left in the "darkest, dampest" corner of the cave.

3 Sentence Recap (I'm challenging myself to phrase this slightly differently than the 9 sentence one)
There are two, very young, kittens exploring the world
Gobbolino looks different!
He is attacked and abandoned.

Obviously the main adversity in this chapter is Gobbolino being assaulted and rejected. Significantly it's for something he can't help, wasn't previously aware of and has no way of changing in the future. (which is not to say that assaulting someone for something they do have control over is OK). I think it's important that it happens the first time that Gobbolino and Sootica venture into the outside world - in their infancy, safely contained (nested?) within the cave they've been protected (obviously even infants can experience adversity, for example if they're ill, but I think it's a slightly different kind of experiencing and processing than an older child or an adult has). Kittens' eyes are closed when they are born so they have no sense of what they or their litter mates look like. Gobbolino and Sootica have developed and learned enough to know what a witch's cat "should" look and act like. Gobbolino is already reacting against that, he wants to be a kitchen cat and be loved, before he even knows that he can't physically fulfil the requirements or a witch's cat.
I love the description of Gobbolino and Sootica's eyes full of wonder and excitement and how Ever leaf that blew, every dewdrop that glittered, every rustle in the forest around them set their furry black ears a-prick - it's that wonderful curiosity and engagment that young children have when they are learning - but that includes learning about difficult and upsetting things.
I find it a bit harder to understand how Grimalkin and the Witch haven't noticed Gobbolino's difference already. The book says it's because of the darkness of the cave (and this process depends on trusting the text). Thinking about how babies eye change colour after they are born maybe Grimalkin was assuming that her son's eye would eventually turn green? She was trying to hold off - or maybe even outright deny - the potential adversity. Which is an understandable maternal response but those of us who grew up with differences know that longer-term denial or minimising are unhelpful.
When Grimalkin and the Witch do finally realise and acknowledge Gobbolino's difference his adversity begins - it's an impressively vivid and active description of an assault even though it's a children's book so not detailed or graphic in less time than it takes to tell they had knocked the unhappy Gobbolino head over heals, set him on his feet again, cuffed his ears, tweaked his tail, bounced him, bullied him. It's horrible and all consuming, like a whirlwind. Then there's a very good description of someone who is understandably numb with shock and confusion. They so bewildered him that he could only stare stupidly at them, blinking his beautiful blue eyes as if he could not imagine what they were so angry about.
Poor Gobbolino. He doesn't deserve this. Even if he had actually done something wrong he wouldn't deserve this but there's something particularly horrific that this has happened just because of the way that he looks ...

I'm starting the Scared Practices with Lectio Divina (mostly because I think it's the most straight forward practise (which certainly doesn't mean simple!). I'm going to do this one on my own but I'm hoping that we'll work out ways to make this more of a group practice. Do please add you comments and insights.
I've chosen to work with the final sentence of this chapter Gobbolino was afraid of the toads and shivered and shook all night.
Lectio Divina is a four level process and the first level is "lectio" - the literal reading and narrative. This sentence is at the end of the chapter after Gobbolino has been rejected and assaulted by his mother and his "mistress". He has just been though a cascade of big, confusing experiences - starting of playing and getting to explore the world of the first time, then having his differences noticed and straight away being attacked and then thrown into this horrible dark corner with frightening toads. He's still very young and he must be exhausted but he's too hurt and frighted to sleep.
The next level is "mediatio" - the allegory, symbols and metaphors. It's quite a literal sentence but I'm drawn to thinking about what the symbolism of toads might be - they are a bit icky and other, reptile and not mammal. I know that toads aren't actually slimy in real life but that is how I imagine them, with unpleasantly warty and potentially toxic skin. The are associated with magic and unpleasant practices (medieval "toad swallowers"). I'm not surprised that Gobbolino is frightened. I'm thinking of Baron Greenback from DangerMouse! Which is possibly not terribly helpful. But I'm also thinking of how magical creatures aren't always what they seem and the frog prince and other tales of people transformed into frogs or toads (yes, I know that frogs and toads are different). Maybe the toads have also experienced their own adversity? If Gobbolino was less frighted would they be able to communicate with him and maybe help him? Or would they, as magical creature living in a witch's cavern, have the same reaction to him as the other cats and the Witch and would trying to reach out to them make him vulnerable to more abuse?
The next level is "oratio" - reflection. How is this text connected with my own life? I'm drawn to the shivered and shook all night part of the sentence. My sleep cycle is always quite erratic and during the time I've been self-isolating it's drifted further from the conventional day/night pattern. Even when I nap in the day I do find it frustrating not to be able to sleep at night. In the dark and quietness worries seem bigger and I feel even more adrift. Usually I do sleep eventually even if it is in short snatches (in fact with chronic fatigue I sleep too much rather than too little) but there have been times when worries and memories have gotten so big that i haven't been able to rest from them. Gobbolino isn't even in a safe place - the toads could turn on him, the Witch or Grimalkin (or even Sootica and his other siblings if they follow the adults' example) could come back and attack him again. He must be full of adrenaline, which is what is making him shiver and shake. There have been times when I've been in that state, fortunately not recently.
The final level is "contemplatio" - the invitation. What action is this text prompting me to take? In my imagination I desperately want to comfort Gobbolino - to stroke him or wrap him up in a blanket and sit with him until he can sleep. But I know when someone is in such a heightened state of distress even a friendly approach can feel threatening and the traumatised person may lash out without thinking. I think this sentence is inviting me to be extra gentle around other people's hurts and to try not to assume that things I might not perceive as troubling or as only a minor threat (the toads) may feel extremely distressing to them. To try to have (and express compassion) in a way that doesn't assume that they experience the world as I do.

Finally (and even though I have been thinking about this chapter and what I want to say about it for several days I am surprised at quite how long it had taken me to wrote up) Blessings.
The obvious blessing is for Gobbolino - and for everyone who is judged or mistreated for who they are and for how they look and other things about themselves that they can't help or have no control over. May they/we be accepted and valued
The less obvious blessing is for Sootica - and for everyone who doesn't know the best way to talk about differences and other complicated topics and for people who's unguarded words cause a reaction they never imagined and then have to live with the consequences. May they/we be able to find mindful ways to express themselves and may they/we be able to take appropriate responsibility but not blame themselves/ourselves for things that are their/our not their/our fault.

Please do add your comments and insights (and feel free to disagree with me)
Next week I will be reading Chapter 2:Gobbolino is Left Alone through the theme of Expectation.